


Before All I Heard Was Silence

by moonqueerdom



Series: Love you like a love song [4]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Allison is a bi disaster, Alternative Universe - Death, Cliche, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Just a little angst, Renee is cute as fuck, Songfic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, coffee shop AU, renison, they're in the afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27246022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom/pseuds/moonqueerdom
Summary: Allison's eyes widened and her face burned immediately, spreading to her neck and the tips of her ears. "Oh my gosh, Renee," she lowered her face and covered it with her hands.Renee chuckled. "She is beautiful when she blushes, ok noted.""Oh mygosh,Walker, stop that," Allison's voice was too wobbly and high-pitched even for her own ears, and there was a grin threatening to pop on her lips.~About to disappear in the afterlife, Allison Reynolds meets Renee Walker, who was ready to change her life even after death.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game)
Series: Love you like a love song [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867900
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Before All I Heard Was Silence

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, I don't know what to think of this fanfic. I legitimately thought it was a complete crap in its pure form, but my beta reader said that they were going to beat the shit out of me and that the fanfic was very good and threatened me to post. so, here we are!! hope you like it
> 
> this is a songfic based on [Symphony - Clean Bandit ft. Zara Larsson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatr_2MstrI), which is a song that I am very passionate about and so I decided I should do something about it (also, this fanfic was supposed to be something for Halloween but I really think this is not the case, even if the topic addressed is death, so I just won't mention it)
> 
> (trigger warnings: mention of death, loneliness, forgetfulness, negativity, car accident, and a little obliviousness about one's sexual/romantic orientation)

There are just a couple of things you can do after you die. 

Be remembered or make yourself be remembered. 

You’re gonna be fine as long as people remember you in the living world or as long as someone cares enough about you on the other side to create memories with you. But if you’re forgotten, you disappear little by little as if you never existed. Your soul fades and fades away, each day less connected to the world until you are nothing. You were never anything, and you will never be again.

If you haven't been able to make yourself be remembered, there are no reasons to hold you here in the  _ Hereafter _ ,  _ Post-Life _ ,  _ Limbo, _ or whatever one's preferred name is for the last instance, if not a place, before the disappearance. 

“ _ But our love it was stronger by far than the love _

_ Of those who were older than we— _

_ Of many far wiser than we— _

_ And neither the angels in Heaven above _

_ Nor the demons down under the sea _

_ Can ever dissever my soul from the soul _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes _

_ Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; _

_ And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side _

_ Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride, _

_ In her sepulchre there by the sea— _

_ In her tomb by the sounding sea. _ ”

Allison didn’t know how many times she had heard and memorized this poem by Edgar Allan Poe throughout her years of existence but never before had it made more sense than now. Because she was disappearing. She was counting the last few days she knew she had until oblivion covered her completely.

When she woke up that morning, Allison couldn't see her own feet, and she  _ knew it _ . She could still feel them, and she could use them, but other than that there was no evidence or trace that they existed. It was just a matter of time.

She got up anyway and moved to the shower to get dressed before leaving. There was a cafeteria that she had visited only a few times, but it was so nice and warm that she wanted to go there now. 

She wanted many things because soon she would be gone.

Allison was hit by the smell of cream and caffeine the moment she walked through the door and entered the room. She was wistfully cataloging each of these things as long as she could, and as much as she had always hated that kind of gloom, now it just made perfect sense.

Of course, she knew that her time should’ve come a long time ago, because death should be the end, but then she found out that it wasn’t, and in the end that was no use because now she would disappear anyway. This time, at least, she wouldn't be taken by surprise.

Sitting at one of the tables, Allison heard a humming that indicated someone approaching, and she straightened up. Whoever was coming towards her, was humming at a sweet, calm rhythm that reverberated inside her head.

"Hi, my name is Renee Walker, may I take your order?" An even more gentle voice accompanied the small murmurs.

Allison looked up and saw a woman with delicate features. Soft and small jet black eyes, smart and polite smile on her plump lips, and white hair just like clouds dyed with pastel colors at the edges. She wasn't exactly tall, was a bit chubby, and she was also one of the most beautiful women that Allison saw in her life, she noticed with a little confusion.

_ Oh, fuck, she said something, she was saying something. _

"Um, uh, hi," Allison faltered. "Yes, yes you can."

Renee smiled widely and her eyes almost disappeared behind her big cheeks. She leaned over slightly to pull a notebook and pen out of her pocket, and Allison had to blink a few times to take it all in.

“Do you already know our menu? I can recommend hot or cold drinks and the best foods or snacks available. Plus, we also have some combos. They're easier if you're an undecided person like me and can't choose between all the options, so opting for something already assembled is kinda practical,” Renee chuckled and Allison smiled even though she didn't really understand a single word she said.  _ What a graceful chuckle. _

She watched the other woman and admired the way her smile never changed or disappeared from her face, how her voice sounded silvery and small, yet still not failing to be heard. Allison was delighted, to say the least. She didn't think she ever had so much joy from just looking at a girl before, that was funny.

"My name is Allison," she said, only to realize that wasn’t the question. Allison cleared her throat, put a lock of hair behind her ear, and looked away as she crossed her hands on her lap. “Oh, sorry. You can, um, tell me about the combos.”

“Alright,  _ Allison, _ ” Renee repeated her name, always so gently, before proceeding, “The most common ones around this time in the morning are the Breakfast Combo, which comes with pancakes, grilled cheese, latte or cappuccino, and cereal. There is also the Pink Combo, with a slice of cake, pink macarons, and pink lemonade, and the Purple Combo, with a slice of cake, blueberry cupcake, and iced tea. Do any of these please you?”

“Yes, could you bring me a purple combo? Please," Allison said whilst looking at her lap.

"Of course, if you can wait for just a while, I'll be right back."

Allison did nothing more than merely nod while playing with her nails, clicking them tirelessly and trying to compose herself.  _ Come on, Allison Jamaica Reynolds, you never look so shaken for anything, what the hell is that? _

She took a breath and once again straightened up, crossed her legs under the table and lifted her chin.  _ Good, all good. _

While she waited, she watched Renee come and go around the cafeteria with other employees, distributing smiles back and forth. Everyone greeted her and she returned in the same intensity or a little more. Some other girl approached her whistling, and Renee followed humming at what seemed to be a rhythm known to them.

Allison thought, briefly, that Renee was the type of woman she would’ve liked to be, the type of woman she would’ve liked to have met. They would’ve been good friends, that was for sure.  _ Perhaps, if we had met before, someone would remember me, _ Allison considered.  _ But for what? What would she remember me for? _

There was no reason, and perhaps that was why Allison had so easily accepted the idea of disappearing. She started to click her nails again involuntarily, but that wasn’t doing bad for the serious position she had taken while waiting for the order.

"Hi again, here's your order," Renee's velvety voice reached Allison. “I guarantee it’s delicious, Diari is particularly inspired today. Oh, they are the cooker, by the way.”

Allison immediately melted into a smile and nodded. "You can send my thanks to them."

"Certainly. Good appetite, miss.”

And just as Renee was about to leave, Allison tried to reach for the iced teacup but her hand simply went right through the solid material.

_ Fuck, I need to be grounded again, _ she scolded herself. But that was until she noticed that Renee had stopped in place and wasn’t moving, just watching Allison with all the attention that one could muster.

"What happened?" She asked.

_ Oh, well. _

“I am… kinda disappearing? Yeah. So, whenever I end up roving too much about it, my body becomes unstable.”

"Oh..." Renee raised her eyebrows and even that gesture was smooth. They didn't talk about what was implied in Allison's words: I'm being forgotten. “Do you want me to sit here and talk to you while you eat? It can be a little bit stabilizing, I don't know. ”

"No, honey, I really don't want to interfere with your work hours."

"Don't worry about it, it's okay, really," Renee turned to the counter and gestured to someone, and then immediately slid into the free seat in front of the other woman. "Come on, tell me a little bit about who Allison is."

"Nobody, honestly."

"That is not true. What's your full name?"

"Allison Jamaica Reynolds."

"What a beautiful name, do you like it?"

“I mean, when I was a kid I liked to pretend I was related to Ryan Reynolds. That was cool,” she shrugged, putting a smug smile on her face.

Renee gave a genuine laugh that made Allison's interior bubble. “It looks cool. When I was still alive, I once introduced myself to a boy and said, 'Hello, I'm Renee Walker' to which he replied with, 'Oh, hi, I'm Evane player but I think I'm a walker too, right? I'm walking around all the time, after all’,” she started chuckling before she even finished speaking. Naturally, Allison also laughed in consequence, "I swear to you, I think I laughed at that for the rest of that entire day."

"If no one ever got your name wrong during all your life, did you really live right?"

"Exactly, isn't it?" Renee's big cheeks once again almost hid her eyes when she smiled. “What did you do before you came here? I want all the details.”

She leaned forward and propped her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, looking expectantly at Allison.

The latter looked away and moved a lock of hair behind her ear again.  _ Fuck, Allison, cut this shit. Why are you like this, girl? _

“I worked with the clothing design company of my family's brand. There's not much to talk about, actually. I helped directly with the manufacture of fabrics and also with the combination of sets. One day I should have been the head of everything, I would have controlled the entire company… But I was run over before that.”

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay, shit happens."

"That doesn’t make them less bad," Renee's small eyes were now concerned and somewhat comforting. "Did you like to work with that?"

"It wasn't my favorite thing in the world but it was bearable."

"And what was your favorite thing in the world?"

"Music," Allison gave a small, weak smile. She realized she was able to hold the iced tea now, so she took it and sipped the drink. “Not that I insisted on that much though. My parents always defined that I would be their heir, so I never had the opportunity for other things.”

"You have it now."

Allison was biting off a piece of the cupcake and huffed without humor, "Yeah, except that I'm disappearing."

"But you hadn't disappeared yet, did you?"

"No, but—"

“When I was in high school, mum told me that I was very sensitive to sounds and rhythms. She said she thought music was my synesthesia,” Renee started talking over Allison, and the latter just sighed and kept eating while listening. “Everything I did had a little bit of music involved, and almost every sound or noise was a rhythm for me. I think from some point I just realized that she was right, so I invested in that. I must have composed five whole songs out of a few other drafts of lyrics. I joined the high school band and after I finished school I started music college. I had this friend and sparring partner who was majoring in criminal justice at the same university, and he listened to some of my compositions sometimes, even though he didn't say much about what he thought. His body language indicated enough of that, I guess. His boyfriend was much more expressive, even though he knew almost nothing about music,” Renee chuckled, “God, I miss them.”

"I can imagine," Allison gave a smile that she hoped would be comforting or something, "So you worked with music?"

“I didn't have the opportunity. Before I graduated from university, I was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, which is a condition in which the heart becomes enlarged and cannot pump blood effectively. Mum and I tried treatment but eventually, I had to have a heart transplant. The chances of my body rejecting the heart were slim, but not zero, so that was it.”

“Your… body rejected?”

"Yes."

“I'm so sorry to hear that, Renee. I'm really sorry. It must have been so difficult, the whole treatment, and then that.”

“Don't feel sorry for me, it's gone now,” and she smiled, despite everything, “Our focus here is on music. I want to show you something, but you need to finish your meal first.”

Allison nodded and went back to eating the cupcake. At some point, she pushed the plate of cake towards Renee.

"Eat some too, I don't think I'm going to eat all of this on my own."

The other woman smiled and got up from the table for a few minutes before returning with an extra fork and without the apron she was wearing before. Allison looked at the pastel green sweater and mom jeans Renee was wearing attentively. _ Is she that adorable on purpose or doesn’t she even have a clue? _ Again on the same day, Allison thought that this was exactly the type of woman she would like to be.

The two shared the slice of cake while talking nonsense and when they finally finished, they almost immediately left the cafeteria.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Renee replied and squinted playfully at her.

They stopped in front of the establishment to get her bicycle and that made Allison chuckle a little while putting her hands in the pockets of the coat she was wearing. "What are you, a cottagecore girl?"

"I don't know what that is, but I hope it isn't bad."

"It isn’t. It's just a kind of aesthetic. ”

"Oh, alright then."

Renee didn't get on the bike, she just pushed as she walked along with Allison's pace and guided them both to their destination. While walking they talked more and shared some details about when they were alive. If Renee noticed that Allison's feet were gone — now that they were on their feet and she could get a full view of her body — she said nothing, and Allison was grateful for that.

The walk wasn’t very long and in a short time, they were under a path surrounded by trees that bordered a huge lake. Renee headed towards the lake and they walked along the edge of it until they reached a place that was more spacious and where the water wasn’t so deep.

"Okay, storytime," Renee announced, leaving the bike on the floor and walking over to the small wooden pier. Allison followed her. “When I first came here, I admit that I was a little desperate for fear that here everything else was also dead. I feared that I would no longer walk around with rhythms accompanying me all the time. I didn't want that, definitely not. Fortunately, I found this lake here, and if you stay silent, you can hear the cicadas, the flow of water, the leaves swinging… It doesn't seem dead to me.”

Allison was afraid that her eyes were shining while she paid attention to what Renee was saying.  _ Is it okay to want to be someone that bad? _ Her chest tightened and heated up and she had to take a deep breath.

"At some point in your life did you imagine that the dead ones live in the same world as the living?" She asked, laughing nervously at what was an attempt to cover up  _ something, _ although she wasn't sure  _ what. _

“Oh my God, I was so lost when I got here. Like, I died and woke up in the same city where I died, that didn't make any sense.”

“Did you also hear Gayle's speech? It took me something like a week to understand what he said and it was, literally, just 'this world is a mirrored version of the world of the living, it's like we live together but separated by an invisible veil'."

Renee laughed and covered her face with her hands. "Gayle is too clumsy for that."

They both laughed and continued to look at the water surface. Renee was the first to move and rush back to the edge of the lake. Before Allison could ask what she was doing, Renee pulled the sweater over her head and tossed it aside, and proceeded to remove her pants with the same agility.

"What— what are you doing?" Allison sputtered, opened her eyes wide, and turned her head to the side to look away immediately, panicking. She literally looked anywhere else but Renee and the sports bra and boxer pantie—

"If I get that sweater and those jeans wet it will be unbearable," her voice was followed by the sound of water moving, and Allison assumed she was entering the lake. “You don't have to come in if you don't want to, of course. It's only because I haven't been here in a long time. I promise I'll be quick and soon we can go back to the city.”

"Oh, no, you can take your time, I'm fine."

_ What the fuck? Why the hell is my voice wavering so much? _

Allison risked a single look ( _ why the fuck this is a bloody  _ **_risk_ ** _? It's okay, it's all fine. Looking at this is normal. If Renee is okay, I'm fine too _ ) in the direction of the other woman and saw her walking deeper and deeper into the water.

Renee is so, so spectacularly beautiful. She has wide hips and shoulders, thick legs, chubby belly, and is literally a full masterpiece.

Her skin was smooth and there were freckles on her shoulders that were once covered in clothing, but now they looked like a fucking treasure map. She had stretch marks that appeared only briefly through the waistband of her underwear, but Allison wanted to draw on that. She wanted to paint and leave the marks colored like Renee's hair and name her a new work of art ready to be exposed.

And it wasn't an exaggeration, she really was all that. More, probably more.

_ Oh, fuck. _

Allison's heart was pounding out of her chest and she was feeling her palms start to sweat. She then fidgeted with her hands to try to stop it but it was no use.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

“Hey, Alli, are you all right? You're just standing there staring at nothing.”

_ Alli— Fuck. _

“Yeah, I, um, I am a-ok. Better impossible.”

Renee nodded, smiled, and started to swim. Allison sighed and covered her mouth with her hands.

_ Oh my fucking god. _

She bit her lip and swallowed. Breathing dramatically and heavily, Allison bent down to take off her shoes —  _ this shit is hard when you can't see your own fucking feet _ — and roll the hem of her pants up. She sat on the end of the pier and dipped only her feet in the water. It was cold, just as she imagined it would be in death.

_ You died, no hot water for you. _

_ Okay, boomer. _

Renee swam closer when Allison was sighing again and raised her body slightly to support her arms on the wooden surface of the pier, and then laid her head over her crossed arms.

"Why are you disappearing?" Renee asked.

Allison laughed humorlessly. “I don't think I'm that memorable. And if nobody remembers you, you disappear, you know that.”

"Yes, but it only takes one single person to remember you and everything will be fine."

"I don't have  _ 'one single person' _ , Renee."

They were silent, Allison picking at the fabric of her pants and Renee looking up at her, thinking. Her dark eyes were shining and were an intense contrast against her light hair.

"Okay, so tell me more about Allison Jamaica Reynolds, will you?"

"But why though?"

"For me to remember you, of course."

Allison's eyes widened and her face burned immediately, spreading to her neck and the tips of her ears. "Oh my gosh, Renee," she lowered her face and covered it with her hands.

Renee chuckled. "She is beautiful when she blushes, ok noted."

"Oh my  _ gosh, _ Walker, stop that," Allison's voice was too wobbly and high-pitched even for her own ears, and there was a grin threatening to pop on her lips.

This time Renee full-on laughed and pushed the edge of the pier as she swam away. "Okay, sorry."

They still stayed at the lake for a few hours. Eventually, Allison managed to overcome the nervousness —  _ which what the fuck _ — and leaned back on her hands while talking about all the subjects that Renee proposed.

Talking to her was easy and comfortable, sometimes Allison felt that her throat was getting dry with how much she was talking and talking and talking, but under no circumstances did she want to stop.

In the end, the only reason that led them to separate was the tiredness that took over and they went to their respective homes. But before going, Renee stopped at a restaurant to order a piece of paper and a pen, where she wrote something down and handed it to Allison.

"Good night, Alli," Renee said, extending her hand.

Allison accepted her offer and held Renee's hand back. With that, the latter raised both hands joined to her own lips and kissed Allison's skin gently. At the sight of the other woman speechless and staring at a lost spot, Renee laughed. She turned to leave and narrowly heard when Allison whispered, "Ah, uh, good night."

~

Allison was so shocked, surprised, shaken, amazed, fascinated, and a thousand other adjectives with all things Renee Walker that she forgot to look at what was on the paper she had handed over to her.

When she finally looked, the next morning, she almost had a breakdown when she saw that there, written in charming, trained and unique handwriting, was Renee's address. That simple.

_ What is she implying with this? Is she implying anything? She gave me her address without me asking, maybe it's something, isn't it? _

Allison had barely risen from the bed and already wanted to stick her head back on the pillow and lie down forever. _ Maybe it's easier. _ She grunted and frowned.  _ Seriously, Allison, you are a strong woman, you are serious and you can go through this which is not a big deal. It’s nothing much. Stop. Freaking. Out. _

_ Fuck fuck fuck. _

_ Okay, I'm fine. I am fine. _

She straightened her posture, took a deep breath, and went to take a shower and try to calm her nerves under the cold water while thinking about how incredibly ridiculous it was that Renee was making her so unstable and goddamn stupid.

She checked all the items in her morning routine while still thinking it was so unusual for her to be affected so much because of one person and in such a short time. She needed to be more careful and not surrender that much, or at least a little less, easily.

Anyway, ten minutes later Allison was leaving the house and walking to the address written on the paper.

Renee's house was… not as Allison imagined. Like, it wasn't like a building straight out of a magazine of fairies or cottagecore stuff, which was what one would imagine from the place where Renee lives. It was actually more of a mar del plata style house, which was also pretty cool.

Allison watched the residence from a distance while pondering what to do. She was getting nervous about the fact that they hadn't actually agreed on anything, neither date nor time, and maybe she was being a little too presumptuous here.

"Aren't you coming in?"

She startled by the sound of the voice and looked at the entrance to the house to find Renee standing there wearing teddy bear pajamas and different patterned socks, looking back at Allison with her hands on her hips and her eyes squinted hard thanks to the sun shining brightly.

Her first immediate reaction was to take a step back and widen her eyes, embarrassed at the notion of having been caught watching a house for several minutes, especially having been the owner of the house in question who caught it.

"Sorry, I'm on my way," Allison said, before coughing a few times. She straightened her clothes and did as she was told, walking to the entrance to the house with a stable posture and head up — with a lot of effort though. "Good Morning."

"Good morning," Renee smiled, making room for Allison to enter the house, "did you sleep well?"

“Perfectly, thank you. What about you?"

They entered one after the other and stopped only for Allison to leave her shoes and coat at the entrance.

"I slept well too, and I had a fantastic idea just last night," Renee said excitedly.

"What was the idea?"

"I want to make cupcakes."

"But why? Out of the blue?"

"I want to eat cupcakes, so I'm going to make cupcakes."

Allison hummed. "I see..."

"That’s good. You’re going to help me."

“Ha, you chose the wrong bitch. I don't know shit about making cupcakes.”

"But  _ I _ know."

"Renee, this is going to be a disaster."

"No, no, trust me," she gave Allison a reassuring smile and turned her back to walk into the kitchen. “I can make the dough and you make the topping. Both are easy, I swear. ”

"Don't doubt my ability to screw up seemingly easy things."

“Stop it, Alli. We will do it impeccably, you will see. ”

And there was no way for Allison to disagree, was there? Not while Renee was looking at her with that encouraging smile on her lips and her eyes shining like a dark starry sky. Then she sighed and pulled a hair tie from her jeans pocket.

"If it ends up completely awful, don't say I didn't warn you, Walker," she made sure to look the other woman in the eye as she spoke, to make her point clear. "What do I have to do?"

"Have you ever made ganache in your lifetime?"

"No?"

"Okay then, you will now learn how to do it."

The kitchen was very spacious, so they didn’t even have any difficulty in spinning around the place in search of utensils and ingredients. Renee was humming some song and laughing eventually when her socks slid on the floor and she almost slipped a few times — Allison was very startled each time.

They took all the necessary ingredients first and gathered everything on top of the kitchen island, and then Renee fetched the gauges to start separating each quantity they were going to use.

Not for a moment were they silent, because even when they weren't talking about anything, Renee was making noises and dancing a little bit. It was very cute and adorable, especially with her baggy pajamas full of patterned teddy bears.

They were mixing the dough ingredients — meaning Renee was doing it while Allison watched her — when Renee really started singing something coherent because up until then she was just humming sounds. She grabbed Allison’s hips and started swaying with her around the place.

At that moment the only thing preventing the latter from totally collapsing was probably Renee's hands holding her. Allison was feeling her skin burn and she wanted to throw herself into a deep hole in the floor, but she managed to stay firm in some very mysterious way. And he even managed to laugh when Renee sang louder and turned them around.

"Sorry, I'm just a little excited," she said, eventually walking away.

“Nah, it's okay. It's fun."

Renee giggled and _oh fuck if that wasn't the most charming and precious thing in the world._ _Is it really possible that even the smallest of sounds this girl produces is completely perfect and the whole fucking philharmonic orchestra at once?_

"Um, what about that ganache thing that you said?" Allison asked, trying to ease her thoughts.

“Oh, right. First, you have to take the chocolate bar that is in the fridge and start melting it in the microwave. Keep an eye out every fifteen seconds to see if it's already melted and in that homogeneous consistency, you know what I’m talking about?”

"Yes," Allison nodded, closing the fridge with her foot and opening the chocolate wrapper to place the entire bar in the container Renee had set aside just for that. It was about a minute in the microwave until it melted enough. "And now what?"

"Melt a spoonful of butter and put the melted chocolate in a pan along with the melted butter and the warm cream, then leave it on low heat and stir until it all becomes a homogeneous cream."

Allison blinked twice. “Don't trust me that much, Renee. I'm going to burn this thing. Really."

"No, you won't," she laughed.

"You don’t know."

"Yes, I know."

"Okay, but I'm not going to afford you a new kitchen."

"No worries."

It was long minutes standing in front of the stove and stirring a pot after Allison frowned hard and said, "Why the hell are bubbles growing and popping, my god, is that common?"

"Of course, have you never seen cream boiling?"

"I don’t think so?"

“It always bubbles up like that. It's almost at the point, let me finish here for you,” she held out her hand and Allison passed the spoon and moved away to make room for her. "Put away the things that we have already used in the meantime."

Renee had already put the cupcakes in the oven, she realized. The sweet smell of chocolate was beginning to rise in the air as the dough cooked.

Allison put the items away slowly and it was when she went to get the flour that a small wrong insured made a pile of white powder flies in her face. As simple as that, the flour flew as if the bag had sneezed.

"Aw, shit," she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Renee turned her head and took a look at her, giggling again — Allison was ready to pour more flour on herself if necessary to make Renee repeat that sound for the rest of the day — and turning off the stovetop before approaching the other woman. She stood on tiptoe and ran her fingers over Allison's face, very carefully.

"Now you're a kitten," Renee whispered, using that characteristic smile that made her cheeks hide her eyes.

Allison's eyes were slightly wide, she knew they were. She turned her face to pretend she was going to look at herself in the microwave reflection, but it was really just an excuse to look away.

Renee had drawn whiskers and made a little ball on her nose, probably an imitation of cat makeup or something. The twinkled smile that appeared on Allison's face was involuntary. She couldn't help but find it really cute and sweet.

"What do we do now, then?" Allison asked because she wanted to change the subject before her rosy cheeks were evident under all the flour.

"First of all we clean you up unless the flour is a new accessory for your look, and then we wait until the dough is ready to put the topping."

"Cleaning the flour would be cool."

Renee giggled — ugh, by now Allison might just die again — and pointed in the direction of a hall. "Wait for me in the living room, I'll get a wet towel."

The other woman nodded and followed the indicated hall until she found the living room. She stood in the middle of the carpet for fear of sitting down and accidentally spoiling the upholstery on the couch or something.

When Renee reappeared, that was the first thing she noticed. “Why are you standing there? I'm short, Alli, and being around you accentuates that. Please sit down.”

She did. Allison sat on the couch and Renee came over holding out a packet of baby wipes. Three wipes and a dry towel later, her face and neck were clean, even though she couldn't do anything about her hair.

Satisfied, the two of them sat down on the couch now and talked about all the dumb things possible. Renee learned that Allison could play at least the basics of ukulele, but what she always really wanted to learn was violin or cello. Even a bass would be nice too.

Renee asked and unraveled every part of Allison's past, talking about everything but always being careful not to look or be intrusive. She was doing an excellent job so far, honestly. The more time passed, the more Allison wanted to speak. And she swore she had been talking for hours when Renee stated that only twenty-five minutes had passed.

They talked about pets, known people from when they were still alive, family, and, obviously, in every possible subject, Renee always found a way to relate what was being said with music. She was impossible.

"Why are you so interested in all this about me, after all?" Allison asked, eventually.

"First of all, this is called  _ bonding. _ Second, how did you wake up this morning?"

“We already talked about this. I slept well, so I woke up well. I think it was a little comforting to see that no other part of my body disappeared, at least I think the disappearance is being slower than—  _ oh, _ ” she raised her eyebrows, finally understanding the smug expression on Renee's face, “Oh, is that it?"

"Exactly," she replied. "I will never be able to forget Allison Jamaica Reynolds, the only person I know who makes an incredible ganache on her first try."

"You don't know if it is incredible."

Renee sighed. “Okay, don't tell anyone but I may have shoved my finger inside the ganache and tasted it. Yes, it’s delicious.”

“ _ Ew, Renee. _ You can't go around putting your finger on other people's food,” Allison threw a pillow at her, laughing.

"We are already dead, what's the worst that can happen?"

"It's still unhygienic, gross."

“My hands were perfectly clean, thank you. And it was just a little bit, it won't even make a difference.”

Allison's head fell back when she started laughing, and she patted Renee's calf — which, by the way, had come to rest on top of her legs at some point in the conversation, so now Renee's two legs were over Allison's thighs; not that she cared, obviously.

They heard the timer  _ ping _ warning that the cupcakes were probably ready. When they opened the oven, however, they saw that all the little cakes had grown irregularly instead of being all the same and aesthetically as a cupcake should be.

"Damm, I must have left the dough too liquid or got the wrong amount of yeast," Renee complained.

"It still looks edible to me."

"It probably is, it's just ugly."

“What matters is the taste. And if it consoles you, it will probably look nicer when we put the topping on. ”

"Yeah, I guess so."

She put on a thick cloth glove with a watermelon print and took the two pans out of the oven, while Allison stood on her side and was careful not to get in the way and end up being attacked by two hot pans.

They waited ten minutes before taking out the cupcakes from the pans and starting to spread the ganache topping over them. It was a quick job though a little messy, but still effective so it was worth it.

And right after that, they didn't wait for shit to finally eat the cupcakes. Allison was immensely grateful for not having spoiled anything, and in the end, it was tasty. Renee laughed when Allison's cheeks puffed up because she pretty much stuck a whole cupcake in there.

They had their fingers and face all sticky with chocolate and couldn't care less while eating one bite after another. Renee made little humming and delightful sounds, and Allison discovered one more immensely pretty thing about her — not that it was surprising at this point.

At some point, Allison choked on a piece of cake and it was a very desperate few seconds until she finally managed to breathe properly, and then they both burst into a hard laugh that even made Renee drop some of the cupcakes she was eating.

Allison allowed herself to wander for a few minutes about how she had never felt this comfortable around someone before. That was very much nice. She found herself craving for more with every second that passed.

Renee was licking the chocolate off her fingers with a lot of attention and contentment.

"I've never seen anyone look so passionately while licking their hand before."

"It's chocolate, Alli, I can't waste a drop of it," Renee shrugged and smiled.

You see. There are only so many truly rational things that go through a person’s head each day, and there are only so many irrational ones as well. Especially when that person is dead. Especially when that person is possibly at the beginning of what should be an attraction towards a person. Especially when that person didn't even know they could be attracted to that other person’s gender until it finally happened. Especially when that person was possibly disappearing forever. The fact of the matter is, Allison had plenty of reasons why what she thought was justified, even if it was absurdly stupid and irrational.

And it was. Absurdly stupid and irrational, that is.

She just didn't fucking know what was going on until it happened and by then it was too late to go back. Her body betrayed her. The emotions beat the shit out of the reason with a metal stick.

Allison rubbed the fucking chocolate of the cupcake she was eating on her lips.

And she wanted to hit her head on the wall, eat glass, drink chlorine, throw herself into a tank of boiling water, run over the fire, anything.

Renee's eyes widened.

Suddenly completely disappearing doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

None of them said a word. For long, and too many, minutes. It was the longest period of complete silence that Allison has had since meeting Renee. She completely hated it. She wanted to hear whatever music Renee was murmuring. She wanted to hear whatever sound she was making. Any fucking thing.

The only thing Renee did was clear her throat, put the cupcake she had in hand aside, and walk over to the sink to wash her hands and mouth. Then she disappeared down the hall.

Allison was petrified as hell in the middle of the kitchen. She was blinking to try to ward off any very stupid idiocy that had led her to do that.

_ That's the fault of all those years of living with Seth when I was still alive, I'm sure that was it. Fuck, Seth. _ He was a nice guy now, clean of drugs and stuff, completely matured in mind and spirit, but at that moment Allison promised that she would go through the veil someday just to pull his foot in his sleep during the wee hours of the night.

She still hadn't moved an inch when Renee reappeared holding the pack of baby wipes. She took one and nimbly but gingerly wiped off the chocolate from Allison's mouth. She discarded that wiper and took another one to clean her fingers and hand as well. Finally, with everything ok, Renee also put the packaging aside, close to where her cupcake had been abandoned and looked at Allison.

"May I kiss you?"

Contrary to what she thought she would do — and she didn't even know she thought anything about that — Allison wasted no time looking at Renee's lips, licking her own and then whispering, "Please."

"Please yes or please no?"

"Please yes, Renee, oh my God I fucking rubbed chocolate—"

Renee had a smile on her mouth when her lips brushed Allison's. That messed up the kiss a little bit but nothing they couldn’t recover so it’s okay.

It fucking felt like an explosion. Fireworks, an orchestra reaching the summit, a wave breaking in the sea, the vibration of a vehicle's accelerator under someone's foot when it reaches a high speed, the pain in the back of the eyes when looking directly at the sun.

Allison furrowed her brows and leaned into the kiss, corresponding to it passionately. Renee was on tiptoe and holding her cheeks with gentle touches of a hand that barely covered the entire skin of the cheeks in question. Renee was all tiny and delicate, Allison was afraid to scare or break her if she squeezed just a little bit more.

But the way she kissed was determined, fierce, and confident. It was full of wanting.

Allison grabbed her waist and maneuvered the two of them to lean against the wall near the counter because she knew she was going to need some fucking physical support very soon.

Their kiss was like a song in repetition. Easy, harmonic and pleasant. Their tongues and lips were dancing on to their heartbeat, and for a single moment when Renee was gone just to look into Allison's eyes and melt into the thousands of butterflies that invaded their two breasts, Allison felt incomplete. But then Renee put their lips together once more, and the feeling disappeared. Completeness was the feeling that took her heart, then. The sensation of  _ belonging _ .

She knew that Renee was a symphony that she wanted to be a part of, she was what all the love songs on the radio were written about.

Maybe it was all too much and she was overwhelmed, but there was only that little time that they knew each other, and yet every moment she had been with the other woman, Allison had been healing. She had been running out of time and thinking she would never find this feeling for real. Something that stirred her insides so intensely and so easily, along with the feeling of being  _ remembered, seen, known,  _ after so long.

Renee pressed butterfly-light kisses to Allison's lips and rubbed the tip of her nose against hers. She slid her hand up slowly and filled all the space between her fingers with Allison's golden blond hair, looking at her closely and still keeping a hand on the other woman's cheek.

Allison heard symphonies when before all she heard was silence.  _ B Flat _ for Renee’s giggle when she saw Allison in complete awe.  _ F Major _ note for Renee’s slow breathing.  _ C Major, G Major, A Minor, F Major, _ and  _ C Major _ for her voice saying something about cupcakes and chocolate.  _ G Major _ chord in its first inversion for her heartbeat against Allison's chest.

Allison heard a song in minor tone, with the type of quarter note and eighth note being the most frequent, equivalent to a tempo and a half tempo respectively in that measure.  _ E Major, _ three times  _ F Major, E Major, G Major, F Major, _ two times  _ E Major, C Major, B Major, _ four times  _ G Major, _ and the rhythm went on and on...

She saw it for what it was, a rhapsody for the two of them, where every melody was timeless. Both life and death were stringing her along until Renee came and cut her loose. She realized briefly that she was solo singing on her own but now she couldn’t really find a key without Renee.

And oh my god if that wasn't the dumbest and probably most hasty thing she had ever thought of in all her years of existence. How could she think so much of someone she had known so recently? Really, maybe that was a little scary.

But would she care at least a little while kissing Renee's cheek? Or her neck? Or while they laughed because Renee had a tickle in her neck and started to squirm right away.

They spent hours curled together until their limbs were almost numb. Talking, whispering, laughing, caressing, kissing, and there wasn't a single cell in Allison's body that didn't want Renee to hold her tight and don’t let go.

_ Yes, but it only takes one single person to remember you and everything will be fine. _

_ I don't have 'one single person', Renee. _

_ Okay, so tell me more about Allison Jamaica Reynolds, will you? _

_ But why though? _

_ For me to remember you, of course. _

Of course.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. this fanfic was both quick and hard to write lol
> 
> let me know what you guys think and also kudos and comments are welcome
> 
> (you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


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